You Stole That From The Beatles
by Emmerson the Lame
Summary: In which the APH gang goes to a Russian bar. Drunk!countries, BoysLove, and hilarity ensure.  I fail at summaries  YAOI GerxN.Ita with slight CubaxCanada, FrUk, and AustriaxSwitzerland


HEY. YEAH YOU. THIS IS YAOI. AKA BOYxBOY, BOY'S LOVE, SLASH, ETC. YOU DON'T LIKE, THEN JUST PASS ON THROUGH, TURN AROUND, HEAD HOME, CLOSE UP SHOP-Okay I'm done. But seriously, if this isn't your cup of tea, then just don't read it. You won't hurt my feelings. This is more yaoi than shonen-ai (but nothing really graphic) for your information.

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><p>HAY GUIZE. So this is the first fanfic I've written in FOOORRR EEVVVAAAAR. LIKE REALZ BRA. Srsly nojoke. Okay I'm done-ANYWAY, yeah it's Hetalia~~ :'D JESUS, I SINCERELY APOLOGIZE, GERMANY FOR MAKING YOU SEEM SO PUSSY-ISH. :'U And silly puns and gags make this bitch giggle and KOLKOLKOL. :3 And hopefully my cockblocking days are over and I can actually man up and write something more...interesting. :D<p>

Rated T for drunk!countries, a detailed make-out scene, cut-screen sex, and an absurd amount of usage of the "F" word

Pairings: Germany x N. Italy and mentioned FrancexEngland, CubaxCanada, and AustriaxSwitzerland (and teensy bit of RussiaxLithuania if stare and squint and use your imagination. :D)

Note: This is set in a RLVerse meaning that their human names are used.

So yeah this probably sucks ass and blah-

And the title fails...Epically...

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><p>"Germany~ Germany~"<p>

"How many times do I have to tell you to stop calling me that," The tall blond struggled to shut the door behind him, "I mean really, my name's Ludwig for Christ's sake."

Yes, it was 2:47 AM, Friday, and Ludwig's best friend Feliciano was so piss-drunk he couldn't walk on his own.

It all started when...

Well, let's start at the very beginning.

It had been about 8 or so years since Fel had accidently stumbled across a WW1 enthusiast chat board ran by Lud when searching "cheap tomatoes" for his little shop. They had talked and Feliciano loved the idea and begged the blond to let him join his group. Lud went against his better judgment and said 'What the Hell, why not?' Since then they've been together, through thick and thin.

So back to about 8 hours previous.

It was part of their enthusiast club meeting that they discuss things and then go grab a drink afterwards. Well this time was a little different when the usual bar they went to was closed for a wedding and Ivan, one of the club's members, suggested a Russian establishment down the road. On a whim they went, not thinking of what might happen.

You can only imagine the insanity.

The bar wasn't very popular in the sense that they, they meaning the members of the club, were the only ones there. "BRING ON THE VODKA, RUM, BEER, SAKE, AND ANYTHING ELSE YA' GOT WITH ALCOHOL INNIT'!" Shouted Alfred, the youngster with an interest in American history. He was almost always seen with a vintage fighter plane jacket. Not even an hour later, after six rounds of Jaeger Bombs and White Russians, they were pretty buzzed. Some could hold their booze better than others and that was apparent. Arthur, their British specialist and local officer (Off duty of course) started to karaoke Fergie's "London Bridge" while dancing on a table. The French baker, Francis, was in the meantime sweet-talking about every other person in the room. No matter man, woman, gay, straight; as long as it breathed and the capability to fuck that was good enough for him. And in a jealous rage the Belarus correspondent Natalia socked both Toris, the Lithuania specialist, and an Ukrainian woman for getting too close to Ivan.

At about 1:10 Lud told them to start filing out and heading home. Alfred left with Arthur and Francis and, being the most sober (surprisingly), drove them home. Lud and Fel were the last to leave at 2:26. Ludwig had apologized to the owners for the rowdiness and the mess they had made, but the man simply chortled heartily and said, "You've obviously never been to Russian wedding."

Ludwig had to result in carrying the smaller man 'Princess Style' into his house. He thought there would be no point in trying to drive him all the way to that shitty hotel he was supposed to check into after their meeting. _No, it's just plain asinine to spend money for a room in a horrid hell-hole of a hotel when he can stay here for free_, the engineer thought to himself. He turned into his bedroom, Fel would sleep in his bed and Lud would just sleep in the living room on the couch.

He looked to Feliciano, his eyes were all squinty, "Do you think you can stand for just a moment?"

"-Your women terrify me~ Wai- Wha?" The drunk slurred.

The blond of German descent sighed as he set the other man on his feet before the bed. He swayed for a few seconds before flopping on the bed. Lud simply rolled his eyes and muttered, "Figured." The Italian took a drink from a bottle in a brown paper bag.

"Now where the Hell did you get that?"

"I- uh...-hic- found it...?" he hiccupped and giggled while trying to roll away from Ludwig removing his shoes.

"Stop that you're going to spill." He let the other's shoes fall to the floor and began untying Fel's tie, it was red, white, and green. He had gotten it some years back when he bought another one like it but Germany's flag for Ludwig's birthday...

_"Here," he said while forcing a box into the blonde's hands, "I found this and immediately thought of you, you'll be envy of all the guys. The ladies will fall all over you!" He opened to box to find a tie not-so-neatly folded in the some-what wrapped box. "And check it cool, Lud!" He opened his jacket to reveal his very own country's flag tie, but very poorly tied, "We'll be the manliest man-men at the next meeting!" _

...He smiled as he reminisced to himself. Looking to the man on the bed he thought, _You stupid fool, you never did learn how to tie a tie. _He started to remove Fel's jacket when he felt a piercing gaze on him. He looked to find Feliciano's chocolate eyes narrowed and staring into his baby blues.

"Would you like some?" The Italian pointed to his right hand with his empty left.

Ludwig, suddenly feeling thirsty, said yes.

Feliciano put the bottle to his lips and took a good swig. He moved the bottle away and above his head. Ludwig sighed and reached for it, leaning over the other.

What happened next was the last thing he was expecting.

The brunette grabbed the German's tie and brought their lips together and forcing them apart to send the alcohol and his tongue into his mouth. Lud's first instinct was to stagger back and cringe but along with the terrible taste of Jaeger was something else. It was a whole new taste that was almost sweet with a savory tone. He swallowed and broke the lip lock. The Italian grinned and licked his lips.

"Well, how was it?"

Ludwig was buzzed before but now he couldn't find the words to describe his state. He felt dizzy and confused. His heart raced and he was slightly out of breath, but for the life of him he didn't have the foggiest as to why. What had his best friend done to him? Best friend? What was the title now? Yeah, sure women kiss their best friends when they're drunk all the time, but did this also apply to men? What the Hell?

"Um," He coughed a little and cleared his throat, "Jesus, you've really been drinking that straight? Nothing to chase it with?"

"I had a chaser." He licked his lips again.

This time he gazed deep into Ludwig's eyes. Ludwig was startled a little, what he saw in his friend's semi-bloodshot eyes were passion and raw lust. He felt the grip on his tie only tighten and bring him ever closer.

The Italian's breath was like burning steam on his skin, "Would you like another drink?" He swished the bottle around in his hand, "Sounds like only one drink left."

Time seemed to slow down for Ludwig, what is his next move going to be? He knew what another kiss would lead to; the real question is that what he wants? Did he really want to do this? He knew Fel was burning with desire as he shuffled impatiently under him. He couldn't remember the last time he had sex, and, all of the sudden, his body ached with carnal desires. He was stuck between a rock and a hard place. If he did this what would this make them? Fuck buddies? Would the stay friends at all? Would they become lovers?

_Aw, to Hell with it all._

Ludwig snatched the bottle from the other's hand and chugged the rest of its contents. He smashed their lips together, less graceful as before but effective. Fel greeted the kiss with an open mouth and trained tongue. He swirled everything around to mix all the flavors together. Ludwig tossed the bottle aside and tried to tear away the troublesome jacket. Fel leaned forward as if to assist and started to do the same to him. Both coats were soon thrown across the room. Buttons were sent flying and misplaced in a hurried fashion. Zippers and clasps were no match for skilled Italian fingers that would make do with them in a matter of seconds. Feliciano's left hand traveled up Ludwig's back and slid pale fingers into usually slicked back blond hair. They gripped and tugged to pull Lud's head back, giving him a better access point to the blonde's neck. He nipped and made intricate designs with his tongue. Ludwig's pleased groans fed his hunger, but he wanted to tease the larger man a little. He hovered over the blonde's collarbone, barely grazing the flesh with his teeth. He smirked as he could tell the other was growing impatient, but was surprised when Ludwig quickly brushed his reddish brown hair aside and sucking the place next to his jaw under his ear. He began kissing down his neck. "Don't be afraid to get rough," Fel whispered tenderly in Lud's ear. The German smirked into his shoulder, "Trust me, I won't." Then he sunk a love bite deep into the pale shoulder. Fel let out a small shriek of delight and bit his lip. "I love you," he said in a deep, husky voice very unlike his own as he slid his right hand into the blonde's pants.

_~I may never sleep tonight, as long as you're still burning bright. If I could trade mistakes for sheep, count me away before you sleep. So I'll stay awake 'til I trade my mistakes or they fade away.~_

BRRRRRINGBRRRRRRINGBRRRRING

Ludwig groaned. _SWEET BABY JESUS. I feel like I was hit by a fucking semi. _The phone screamed.

"Hello. What in God's name do you want."

"_GERMANY, DUDE, YOU'LL NEV-_"

"STOP. Yelling." Ludwig stated in a harsh whisper.

"_Right. Sorry dude,_" It was obviously Alfred, he never referred to the other members by their real names, but rather the countries they have the most interest in (or how well they fit the stereotype of). He said it was 'way more BADASS.' He continued in a loud whisper, "_BUT DUDE, HOLY SHIT! MY ROOMATE PATTIE-_" Ludwig heard a small voice on the other line in protest,"_-it's MAthew- RIGHT WHATEVER, BUT HE CAME BACK FROM, I DUNNO PROBABLY CLUBBIN' WITH HIS CUBAN BOYFRIEND -AL! That's not true..-SURE, WHATEVER, WELL ANYWAY HE CAME IN AND THE FUCKIN' BRIT AND FRENCHIE WERE ROUNDING FUCKIN' THIRD!_"

Lud had a look of confusion, "You mean-"

"_YEAH, THEY WERE GETTIN' HOT 'N' HEAVY AND BIG BEN AND LIBERTY JR. WERE GETTIN' PRIMED! I WAS LIKE, 'WHAT THE FUCK GUYS?' I MEAN JESUS, THEY COULDN'T KEEP'EM IN THEIR PANTS FOR A FUCKIN' NIGHT!_"

"Well they _were_ pretty drunk an-"

"_I KNOW BUT AT SOMEONE ELSE'S PLACE? PRE-TEE BALLSY. AND HOLY FUCK. BELARUS IS IN JAIL AND APPARENTLY SWITZI AND AUSTRIA HIT A HOME RUN. SEVERAL ACTUALLY._"

"STOP with the damn baseball metaphors."

"_FINE. THEY FUCKED. THEY FUCKING FUCKED. FUCKED SO LOUD THAT HUNGARY WAS ALL, 'FUCK, I CAN'T SLEEP CAN I CRASH AT YOUR PLACE?' AND I WAS LIKE, 'FUCK, SORRY I'VE GOT THE LIMEY AND THE FRENCH FAGGOT AND THEY WERE ABOUT TO FUCK BUT I SAID HELL NO!' AND SHE WAS LIKE,"WELL WHAT ABOUT GERMANY?' AND I WAS ALL, 'I DUN FUCKIN' KNOW, LET ME CALL HIM!' AND SHE WAS LIKE, ' 'KAY, BYE,' AND I WAS LIKE, 'SEEYA AND OH-_"

"I GOT IT, ALFRED." _Jesus, I don't think I've ever heard the word fuck so many times._

"_WELL SO YEAH. AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO ITALY? I CALLED HIS HOTEL AND THEY WERE LIKE, 'FUCK, HE NEVER CHECKED IN AN-_"

It was like someone had lit a match.

Everything that happened not even 17 hours earlier rushed in to Ludwig's brain. The meeting. The bar. The _sex_. The _amazinglyhotkinkyawesome_sex.

"Al, I have to go-"

"_BUT DUDE, I'M WORRI-_"

"GOODBYE, AL." He hung up the phone and was scared to look over his shoulder. Had it been a dream? _No, Al said that he never checked in. Well maybe he's on the couch. No, I was going to take the couch. And that was _way_ too vivid to be a dream. Maybe I was watching a porno before I- Who am I kidding that was better than porno ever made._ He cautiously turned over to find that the beautiful man wasn't a dream. _Do I get closer? Do I get up and get dressed like nothing ever happened? COME ON LUDWIG. YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE THE MAN WITH THE PLAN. JUST PICK SOMETHI-_

With his eyes still closed Feliciano took Lud's hand and brought it to his chest, "Still wrestling your conscience?" He opened his brown eyes and gazed once again, this time lovingly, "Always follow your heart. All you need is love."

Ludwig smiled as he pressed his lips against the bridge of an Italian nose.

"You stole that from The Beatles."

"Who's to say they didn't steal it from me?"

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><p>Thanks! I hope you liked it in all its APH yaoi goodness. I was gonna add a little, "How are you?" "Sore." thing but I think it would've retracted from the sweetness. :3 And the fact that I started writing this at about 1:30 AM and when I finally finished I looked at the clock AND IT WAS 7:15. I WAS ALL, "DAMN. I GOTTA GO TO BED, FOOL."<p>

I personally think I write Drunk!Italy a little too -raeptimez- and Sober!Italy a little too mature, but oh well.

(^J^)

RUSSIA LOVES YOU. BECOME ONE WITH RUSSIA.


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